Jessica Hopper 27/9/09:
FORCE FEILD OR FIELD
I think today might be the first time I have felt normal in a month. It feels momentous. Or maybe it's more like 10 weeks? After one thing passes, I think "oh after this, then things will be "normal" but there keeps being an AND THEN lately. I know it's a myth, that the "and then" is stoppable--it's all AND THEN. When I was about 25, I had this idea that if I did certain things perfect, or got my life "arranged" it would become slower and predictable and manageable and then there wouldn't be some much AND THEN AND THEN and I could be on a peaceful mountaintop of life and just spend my time painting pictures of dogs or catching up on old New Yorkers and no one would die or move away or be sick or I would have money and no one would be on crack or mad at me. I thought you could do things to prevent the AND THEN barrage.